The Loudest Prayer
by ImpalaLove
Summary: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 8. Cas hears Dean. Hears him, but can do nothing to help him. No slash.


**Hope everyone is still muddling through the Hell-atus. It's almost over- YAY! Here's yet another short oneshot. SPOILERS FOR SEASON 8. **

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**The Loudest Prayer (Cas POV)**

I catch my breath beneath the thick branches of a billowing oak, my usually pristine trench coat streaked with blood, dirt, and black goo. Running a hand absently along my jaw, I feel the beginnings of a beard tickle across my fingertips. Straightening up, I listen intently for even the slightest sound, head cocked to the side and eyes roaming the wasted expanse in front of me.

What little light there is in Purgatory has begun to fade, signaling the equivalent of night. I tense as the leaves around me rustle with a gentle breeze, relaxing once more when I realize it is only the wind.

Purgatory holds only death, and though I wish for it, I will not take the easy road. There is too much to make up for, too much to be forgiven. I cannot allow myself to rest until my penance is paid in full, absolving me of all the evil I have wrought. I wonder how long it will take, how much longer I must fight my way through this inescapable hell.

And I wonder if Dean is alive.

It pains me to think of the way I had abandoned my friend- my brother, in this unforgiving place. But I know that if I had not left, Dean would surely be dead by now. Leviathan have hunted me relentlessly from the moment I was dropped into Purgatory, their attacks never ceasing, their methods sudden and brutal. If I had had a companion next to me, they would've wasted no time tearing him apart before starting in on me; much slower. The only reason I've survived this long is because I only have myself to look out for. And because the Leviathan want to draw my death out for as long as possible. They want me running scared, want me to know the overpowering stench of my own inescapable death as it breathes down my neck, whispers in my ear. After all, they know I have nowhere to go.

I assess my surroundings for a fourth time, making certain that nothing lurks in the shadows before I lean back against the tree I've stopped under and close my eyes, just for a moment of rest.

And that's when I hear it.

Drifting across the endless distance of this starved, wretched place, Dean's voice reaches my ear as though he were standing but a few feet away, his words laced with a painful hope I try desperately to ignore.

_Hey Cas...it's me. I uh...I've been looking for ya man. Not sure if you can hear me but I just..._

The words break off and I imagine the sound of Dean's stuttered breaths. I picture his head bent low, eyes closed as he prays. I listen carefully to the cadence of his voice, making sure his breaths are steady. Making sure he is unhurt.

_Um, just...God I hope you're alive. Please be alive. If you could come back...that'd be good. And if you can't...then I want you to know that I'm gonna find you. I'm gonna find you and we're gonna get out of here. You got me? We're gonna go home. Just please hold on. Please...don't be dead... _

His voice fades slowly, lingering in the air around me for an extra moment before it is lost in the fading gray light. I am relieved to hear that his strength still remains, the inflection of his speech still normal and unaffected by any injury I can sense. Still, I am forced to squeeze my eyes shut tighter against the swell of surprisingly potent emotions his words bring forth.

The prayers come every night.

Different words, but always the same meaning. Always the same desperate plea in his voice that I know he rarely lets anyone see. Dean is suffering and Dean is scared, but I cannot go to him. Because reuniting with him spells death for both of us.

So I ignore his prayer.

Again.

I slump farther down against the tree until I'm sitting on the cold ground, wondering how much longer we'll both last. Wondering if he knows how sorry I am. And wishing there was some way to save him from the mess I've created.

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**Alright props to you if you caught the little nod to Sherlock in there. Couldn't resist. Anyways, leave a review if you have time and let me know what you thought. Thanks for reading as always! **


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